March 11th.

So....This is a long post...and not very positive...but I need help.

Today is supposed to be another picture of friends...but I posted most of mine earlier.

Instead...I need thoughts/advice on a little situation. It is something that has been tugging at my heart strings for quite some time.

Let's have a flash back picture of my sweet Hallie and her friend Taylor:



We are very sad Taylor moved away. Hallie had another cute friend named Riki...she moved away too. Those were some of her best times. She had so so much fun playing with them. Having a daughter is SO hard sometimes. It is like re-living my childhood. I try to spare her the pains that I had to go through, and produce situations that will make her very happy and have good memories. The older she gets I realize that is just not how things are supposed to work.

I ALWAYS had a best friend....seriously, always. From Kindergarten up on through high school I always had at least one, or two or three or more, friends that I talked to on the phone at all hours (before the day of cell phones and internet hehe) I was constantly at sleepovers, playing at others' houses, birthday parties, you name it, I was there. I was extremely social and involved in all I could. I give props to my mom for paying and driving me around to dance, gymnastics, clogging, ballet, sewing lessons, piano lessons, soccer, softball.....I was one busy girl and I loved it. I was able to multi task the activities with school and with friends. This is not saying that there weren't times when I got my feelings hurt really bad in some way or another. I wasn't spared fights and conflicts...especially as I got older and the hormones kicked in with the girls around me. Nonetheless, I was very blessed in the friend area...and I still am.

I think things are just different nowadays. I for one don't want Hallie going to sleepovers...that is where I learned lots of bad things! The other stuff though...talking on the phone, going to parties, going to play...and especially having a best friend. I want for her so bad it hurts.

You see, this is a little info on my Hallie. She is not your average girly girl. She never really liked dolls or really girly things. Sometimes I have lots of sadness that she doesn't like girly things like dancing and the stuff I liked. I realized and promised myself early on that I wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. So when she was little I enrolled her in all sorts of girly dance things. As she got older she just didn't like it anymore-so it ended. She does like some girly things and definitely isn't a tomboy. Her passions include animals, art, playing outside, Nintendo, learning, and saving the planet...NO seriously, I have a little tree hugger on my hands! ;) Her teacher told me she is so funny...that she will always draw little murals on the chalk board with things like “Save the Whales” or something like that! Along with her passions, she is absolutely adorable-I've got a real beauty on my hands! She is sweet, kind hearted, and passionate about life. She is so polite and is a little shy and reserved at times, and sadly it becomes more so as the world gets worse and kids get meaner.

She has had several friends, but this year she has really grown close to a little girl in her class. I will leave her name out for privacy reasons, but Hallie really likes her. Problem is, this little girls mom is a WEIRDO....I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but seriously, she has some issues. I have spoken to her on the phone, and she admitted that she had munchausen by proxy ... Read about it here- http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sick/munchausen.html Talk about sad. They have 10 children I believe. The poor little girl is not allowed out of her house after school. Hallie has called her to play countless times and has finally given up. The little girl always says, “today is just not a good day” I offer to pick her up, drop her off....The mom dresses her girls as if they lived in the 80's-no joke. The big hair, huge bows, fluorescent....flowery vests-none of the cute 80's like fashions that are becoming popular again today. I am glad to say that Hallie has looked past that and she just loves being with her. The sweet little girl taught her how to crochet at recess. So that is what she does, and it makes her happy and that is all that matters. There is just not enough time at school to truly have fun and develop a close bond.

The 2 problems I have found as far as Hallie getting invited to do things (and other kids too) is:

1.Parents these days are just too busy...simple as that. It takes too much work for them to have other kids around, throw birthday parties etc.

2.We don't live in a huge neighborhood. Sure there are a few kids here...but not like a subdivision. Hallie has friends in neighborhoods that they just all gather outside playing at each others houses and it is just easier for parents. No driving or planning involved.

I'm sure there are other factors, but those are the two biggest ones.

I watched Hallie have her heart broken a few too many times by the neighborhood kids. Several weeks ago she begged to go sledding outside with them. I told her to get dressed in snow clothes and to have fun. I of course had to watch from the window. Hallie walked out there, went down the snow hill, looked so happy...and then every kid went home (actually to each other's houses) So there sat my Hallie on the hill alone...she just sat there and watched them walk away. When I was a kid I was forward enough that I would have just invited myself to wherever they were going. She is just not that way though. So she played a few minutes and then came in quietly and went in her room to read.

There have been several other instances...but last night at their school they had a book fair/ice cream social. We were in the gym and I had Hallie and Gavin standing by me. Two of Hallie's “friends” walked right by her. She waved at them and said, “hi guys!” They just looked at her and kept on walking out to the playground. I told her to go after them and play on the playground....but you could tell she just felt like a reject.

I thought of the heartaches I experienced by being left out or other situations. Man I thought it was bad then, but I tell you what, it is beyond heartbreaking to watch your kids experience it.

Hallie does have other friends...I am not painting her out to be a loner-or the smelly weird kid in class!. She has been invited places occasionally. We are constantly having kids over, going places, etc. The kids have a blast here. They play with her just fine. She has 2nd and 3rd cousins that she enjoys being with a lot. It is just the part of her never getting invited back that is so hard.

It wouldn't be as hard, but my Gavin has not 1, but 2 best friends. They seriously play every Friday. They are like 3 little musketeers. They both come from great families. I feel very very blessed that he has such close friends at such a young age. I hope he can stick with them through thick and thin as they grow older. So every Friday when Gavin goes and plays, Hallie asks every time if she can have a friend over. She calls around and most times nobody answers, calls us back, or takes the time to invite her. I have tried stepping in and watching at school or church which friends I know..or know their families. I have casually talked to the little girls' moms and we have planned things with good intentions...which usually fall apart.

I know that I can't choose my kids friends. I also can't make kids like them. You either have a connection with some people, or you don't...simple as that. I can't make other moms UN busy. I can't make other kids be nice. We aren't planning on moving to a new neighborhood with lots of kids and new friends anytime soon.

I can be grateful for my kids' friends from the past, present, and future. I will be grateful for everything they have experienced for the good and the fun things that are yet to come, whether in my home or somewhere else. I am so grateful for good family and good grandparents for my kids that provide lots of fun opportunities. I can also pray that they will choose good friends from good families that will influence them in a positive way in this very very scary world.

Their friends are going to be very important through the teenage years and beyond. I guess that is why I feel so bad for my Hallie. She will be in middle school in less than 2 years. The thought of that seriously makes me sick. I want someone for her to be with. I guess that means as her mom I need to develop the closest relationship that I can with her...and always let her know that she is loved. I have been trying to do lots of special alone time and having her along on girls nights...I also have been trying hard to be enthusiastic about the things and hobbies she loves. Just because she isn't like I was doesn't mean I can't relate to her.

So....any advice? Anyone??? I just don't know what more I can do!