Princess Academy

When you have 3 kids, a house to take care of, a husband to love, a church calling, friends, family, etc.etc.etc.etc.-----there is never enough of ME to go around. I am sure many/most moms feel that way. I saw a poster for this “Princess Academy” last week. I decided that Hallie needed some one on one time since her brothers and all my other responsibilities go before her most times.

We had a great time today dressing up in our fanciest clothes, eating a fancy lunch, playing games, making crafts, doing nails, doing a show on stage, taking pictures, letting a balloon go with her wish tied to it…..you get the picture-all very "princess-like". I just can’t believe what a beauty I have on my hands. She is getting so mature and still sweet as ever!















I hope you all have saved my updated blog to your google reader or your blog lists. It is http://searleupdates.blogspot.com
That way you won't have to check this so often! When I update this blog, I will put it on there.

Gav's Update

I have been meaning to update on my little Gav forever now…but it has been such a mystery/roller coaster with lots of phone calls with the Dr.(s), Primary Children’s, Insurance…..it is a mess.

His CT scan was basically a waste of time in my mind. They found the tumors, but they are considered “inoperable” for several reasons. So the Dr. has decided to do a new scan called an Octreoscan. It is basically a fancy X-Ray. The bad thing about it is that we have to stay in SL for 3 days. It is done in the nuclear med. Department at the hospital. Something about the word nuclear makes me scared. He is injected on a Wed. They scan him 4 hours after, 24 hours after, and 48 hours after-hence the 3 days.

By doing so we are looking for where his little tumors are secreting the most serotonin. Serotonin is a chemical we all have. It is actually a mood regulator. In Gavin’s case, his intestinal tumors are secreting it….and the side effects are diarrhea and malnutrition, which he has both of. So we are trying to find the place it is coming from the worst, and then hopefully remove that. The Dr hopes it is from the appendix, because that apparently is the most common place, and also the easiest to remove. If not, there is a chance he will have to have a section of his bowel removed.

There is a lot more to the story…I am giving the short version. I don’t like not knowing EXACTLY what is going on, and EXACTLY how to fix it… Guess it is the perfectionist in me.

All I do know is that I am so tired of medical bills I could scream. Our insurance year goes July-July. So we have had to pay for Kayler’s penny incident, my surgery, and all of Gavin’s VERY expensive tests the past 3 months. It is at $20,000….and counting. Thank goodness we have a $1000 deductible per family, and then a $4000 maximum out of pocket. So that is $5000 total, but that money was needed much worse other places. And that makes me sad.

What doesn’t make me sad is realizing that although these medical problems are a big deal to me, they are so small in comparison to others. Just being at Primary Children’s for 5 minutes my attitude is automatically changed when I look at the terrible and devastating things other children and their parent’s deal with.

So that is that. I will of course keep you posted after the test on March 10th.

p.s. I don't know why I posted the picture of Gavin as a baby. I guess it is because that was before all of this stress.

p.s.s. The Ensign came in the mail today. I found time this afternoon to read it. I cried and cried as I truly felt that almost every article was written specifically for ME. Especially this one http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=a68dea00a8bf6210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

I hope that link works. I hope you can all take the time to read not only it, but the whole Ensign!

A little help to my faithful readers!

I know private blogs are a pain in the butt for people to check. I ran across this idea and thought it was brilliant! I am assuming you all have google reader/updater. So just add this to the list. I will make sure to post letting you know I have updated my private blog. Then you can go to my private blog to check! Hope it helps!

http://searleupdates.blogspot.com/

Complete gratitude in the little things...

The above picture taken during bath time this past week is something I have been waiting for over 3 years for-For my boys to be friends. Sounds like a simple enough thing….but when you have a child that has special needs and hardly allows anyone into his little world/bubble…things like this take time. There have been even more instances just within this past week of my boys cuddling, playing, wrestling, and just being kids-normal kids.

That leads me to something else that has been many years in the making:



Going out to dinner is a rare treat for our family. Not only do we not have the money to do so often, but taking an autistic child into public is 99% of the time much harder than it is worth. We had the perfect night tonight at Pizza Hut, followed by a trip to get gas, the car wash, the Rec. center, and to get an ice cream. Let me add there were NO melt downs of any kind. He stayed by us pretty good, and you could tell he was actually enjoying his time out of the house. Yet again…nothing out of the ordinary for a normal family, but for me, this was monumental, and let me back track how the latest things have suddenly evolved.

A few weeks ago, I really started noticing a LOT more talking from Kayler. His fits became less frequent and severe. He started sitting for much longer periods of time. I will not say that every day was perfect…he has had several very bad days the past few weeks. But, slowly and surely, his good days started to outnumber his bad, and I was not the only one noticing.

My dad, who is one of the most loving kind people I know, has also been the biggest skeptic when it came to “curing” Kayler of his Autism. He had a master plan that he when he retired he would teach Kayler how to Weld or some other skill because he just “knew” Kayler could not make it in the real world. My dad told me to not get my hopes too high because he knew Kayler was different beyond repair.

It was Super Bowl Sunday and we were just relaxing at my parents’ house. My mom, G.J., and the other kids were out of the room at the time, and it was just my dad and I, and Kayler. Kayler was being cute playing with us, commenting on the T.V., and just playing. All of the sudden I look over to see my dad just crying... or more like sobbing. The only words he could get out were, “He is going to be O.K., I know that now…”

I have known he would be just fine all along….but my faith has been tried and tested a zillion times. I have laid awake countless nights worrying about his future. I have worked tirelessly doing therapy at home, sending him to school, and praying my heart out that he will be O.K. I obviously knew that starting out Kayler was not near as severe as most autistic children. With his diagnosis being Asperger’s, which is high on the spectrum to begin with, I knew our chances of helping him achieve happiness and “normalcy” were high.

So, although my expectations are realistic and I know that there are still many many major hurdles to cross, we are making headway. We are fighting and winning. My goal is to send him to Kindergarten and for nobody to question that he ever had such struggles as he has. He is so precious to me. I love and appreciate the things he does and says a lot more than I did with my other kids at that age. I am making up for lost time by in turn being grateful for Hallie and Gavin now…and for the strengths they DO have. Kayler has brought out the worst in me, all the while bringing out the best.

So here’s to more family dinners at restaurants, more trips to public, and to one precious baby boy.

p.s. I do have an update on Gavin’s CT Scan and our trip to SL this past week…but I am waiting on one more phone call from the Dr. to confirm some details…so sit tight.

A LOVEly Week!

This past week is one of my favorite weeks of the year…the week leading up to Valentine’s Day, which is one of my favorite holidays. I love everything about it. The candy, food, cute hearts, colors, the nice loving mood! I just like it all. I snapped a few pictures...but missed pictures at some very important events....I really need to do better with that!

I am well known for jumping back into things way too early after surgery…so this past week I had to refrain even though I feel great. I am so surprised how wonderful I feel after such a major operation, but I am very grateful.

Monday night we kicked off the week by doing the kids’ Valentine’s for their classes for FHE. We did over 65 valentines, but the kids (and me!) had a lot of fun.



Tuesday my mom was nice enough to come clean my house for me. That is the one thing that has driven me nuts the past few weeks is that I can’t be a neat freak like I like to be since I am not supposed to lift or strain myself. Then that evening I went to my nutrition/diet class. I was a little bummed because even though I lost an organ, I only lost ½ a pound! I had lost 4 ¾ pounds the week earlier so I won’t complain.

Wednesday I was starting to go stir crazy. Thank goodness I had an out that evening with Candace and Karlee. We went to see “Dear John.” It was a much needed get out, thanks girls!

Thursday turned out to be an unfortunate day. I woke up with a MASSIVE fever….like scary fever. I had really swollen glands, a sore body, the chills…it was strange. Kind of like a cold/flu thing, but I couldn’t pinpoint why I was so sick. I called my Dr. who really wanted me to come over to Roosevelt to make sure it wasn’t an infection from my surgery. I told him I was too sick to drive, so he decided to call in an antibiotic with strict instructions if my fever didn’t break overnight to come immediately to the ER. Well I was in bed all day long, and thank goodness Kayler took an extra long nap. I was almost delirious when Hallie and Gavin came home from school. I was in and out of sleep, and I remember telling them to just stay inside, don’t get hurt, and that I would try to wake up soon. I remember just praying that someone would help me, I hadn’t been that sick for a long time. Right at that instant, our cute little neighbor girl called and said, “I just was wondering if you needed help with your kids?” I was so grateful that she came and stayed an hour until G.J. got home from work. It was definitely an answer to my prayers, and I was deeply humbled that she was prompted to call me. The rest of that night I just spent in bed.

Friday I woke up and I was MUCH better. I really don’t know what was up the day before, it was the strangest thing. I still felt a little yucky, but not bad enough to miss celebrating my Grandpa Bowthorpe’s 87th birthday. We went to lunch and then had some cake and ice cream at his house. I was able to give him the quilt I had made for him out of my grandma’s clothes. He was so touched and cried as he wrapped up in it. It is a priceless memory.

This is the kids with all their Valentine Goodies from School. I had a HARD time not sneaking it from them! It was so cute to see what all the other kids did for Valentines!





This is Hallie's Heart Hairdo for the year. It turned out cute and stayed in for 2 days.



That night we went over to the Willy and Melissa Holfeltz’s to play games. It was just good to get out the house again. We played with Kassi and Levi Luck, Chris and Mindy Deets, and Derrick Jaramillo and all their kids for a little bit. The kids did pretty well and didn’t want to leave, so that is a good sign they were having fun too!

Saturday was a busy day. I was feeling pretty much over my sickness at that point. I let Hallie start 4-H and they had a big thing all day Saturday. I had groceries to get, a few errands to do, and a date to get ready for. It wasn’t a date with my cute hubby, but my friend Mandy. We don’t get together often enough, so when she called and invited me to be her Valentine date, I was so happy. G.J. was so sweet to stay home and play with the kids. We went to dinner, which was SO good. Then we went to the movie “Valentine’s Day.” It was good. Kind of cheesy, yet ended good and I enjoyed it.

Today was a nice day at church. We are enjoying a heat wave over 35 degrees! I love seeing the snow melting…meaning we are one step closer to Spring time! G.J.’s parents will be here soon. They usually stay down south all winter, but unfortunately another one of G.J.’s uncles passed away, so they had to make the trek back for his funeral. I told G.J. this is going to be a common occurrence. His dad has 9 siblings that are all married and most of them are in their late 60’s or 70’s. So funerals are going to be happening quite often now.

I made the little pizzas for lunch. Then the cookies and strawberries went with our delicious dinner of chicken alfredo pizza.





I am so happy the kids have a few days off of school. We are headed to Salt Lake tomorrow. I have a sweet Valentine (G.J.) who bought me a 30 minute massage at my favorite spa, Sanctuary Day Spa. I am going to get it tomorrow afternoon. Then Tuesday morning is Gavin’s big CT Scan. I hope we get encouraging news.

So there is my fun filled week in a nutshell. Hope all of you reading this are happy, healthy, and well!

Not...my proudest mommy moment...lol

G.J. took the kids to church yesterday all alone while I rested some more. I am so proud of him. I got an email this morning from my friend Leisa who just happens to be Kayler’s Sunbeam teacher. I copied and pasted it:

"Kandice, I wasn't sure if I should share this with you, but it was too funny
not to. Yesterday in Sunbeams some of the kids were standing on a chair playing
with the light switch. I lifted them down. As I went to lift Kayler down he
reached out and squeezed my chest. It surprised me and I said, “Kayler don't do
that.” He looked at me all serious and said, "But I love your boobies". That kid
is so funny sometimes. We had a good laugh about it on the way home from church.
Have a great day!
Leisa"

Funny thing is…he did something similar to my mom last night. He was sitting by her while watching the super bowl. He lifted up the back of her shirt and told her he loved her soft skin. Then very calmly he said, “O.K. Grandma…turn around so I can touch your soft boobies…..”

We are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

Lesson on Pride...

Well…I lost another organ, and in so doing I have learned a lesson in pride.

I have always had “woman” troubles so to speak. I was very lucky to not start my period until I was close to 16. Then I had my first baby at 17. Then I had my second at 19, and my last baby at 23. In between all those babies were lots of womanly troubles. When I was pregnant with Kayler and diagnosed with thrombocytopenia (low blood platelets), the Dr. highly advised me to not have any more children. So we took care of that permanently while I was pregnant with a little Dr.’s visit for G.J. to get a vasectomy.

After I had Kayler, I had an ovarian cyst that pretty much destroyed my right ovary. It had to be removed. I thought the blood disorder would have gotten better, but it did not. The next summer when Kayler was 1, I had uterine ablation where they burn the lining of your uterus out meaning no more periods. For me, no more periods was critical…because it helped keep my platelet level up from not having a period and losing blood each month.

Well fast forward 2.5 years, and the big “P” returned in November of 2009. I was so disappointed. I thought it might be a fluke one time thing…but nope. So the first part of January I had a visit with my Gyn, Dr. Williams from Roosevelt…who I love and highly recommend. He told me that a hysterectomy was my last and only option, and that it was important to get it done soon, before my blood level got any worse.

Well after that we had all the drama with Gavin and his poor intestinal problems, our basement flooding, and just too much stress. I didn’t think I had time or energy to go through a surgery. But….I decided to have it done last Tuesday.

It was up in the air if I could even have it done because of my dumb blood disorder and my messed up thyroid. I had labs done last week. My thyroid was just so/so, and my platelets were just confusing. The hospital has a policy that no surgery can be done if platelets are below 100 (it is actually 100,000, but they just say 100) my regular Dr. has a policy that platelets need to be above 150 to be healthy. So of course my level came back right in the middle at 124. The Dr.’s talked and both agreed that I could have the surgery. This was Monday, so I had to jump into gear and get ready for a week with me being down.

I will admit, I was so so scared to have surgery. I have had 9 surgeries in my life for various things, but I was very scared this time. The Dr. told me it would be no big deal…but I knew different. They did a vaginal hysterectomy, and left my good ovary so I don’t have to be on hormones. I won’t explain the procedure…but pretty much they just suck your uterus out of you through the vagina after cutting it away internally. Yah…pleasant sounding right!

I had great nurses, but that first day was rough. As predicted, my blood platelets took a turn for the very worst after the surgery, dropping below 100. My blood pressure was about 85/35, so every time I sat up I either threw up or passed out. The Dr. said that most people go home the night of surgery, but I would be staying the night.

The next day didn’t go much better, so I had to stay another night. Finally I was home Thursday. I have a terrible time with pain meds…none of them work or else they just make me puke and miserable. Along with that, I can’t take ibuprofen or aspirin or anything containing them because it thins the blood worse. So I finally found one that worked paired with anti nausea and Benadryl. I had a great nights sleep last night, and today I have seen a big improvement….even if I still feel like I have been run over by a truck!

So that leads me to the “pride” issue of this post. I had told G.J. that I wanted to just do this and not let anyone know. I didn’t even want to tell my own mother. I decided I needed her help though, and after I told her…of course she told lots of my family. I told a couple of my closest friends, who didn’t tell anybody, but all I can say is word travels fast around this town!

It is not that it is a big “secret” or that I am ashamed to have had it done…it is just that I am prideful and don’t want people to have to help me. I think I can just do it all a lone….and after this week I have learned a big lesson that I CAN’T!!!!!

I have had SO many very kind phone calls, gifts, flowers, meals, well wishes, prayers offered on my behalf, help from family and friends….you name it. It makes me get a little teary thinking of how kind people are. It makes me think that if I am ever in a tragic situation, I will never be alone, and that I am loved. That is a wonderful feeling.

Through this all, I think I have gained closure on a few things. Even though it was virtually impossible for me to have another baby before the surgery….I still had a uterus. So now that it is gone…there is no chance, and I am o.k. with that. It was a little hard being in the brand new women’s center in Roosevelt seeing all the Prego ladies. They all looked so cute, not to mention my same age, and there I was getting my baby womb ripped out. But I have a few friends who are getting babies, and it helps me more than they will ever know. I can’t wait to hold them and get my fill!

So there you have it. Another organ lost…this makes 5! Tonsils, Adenoids, Appendix, Ovary, and Uterus! I have learned a lot through this rough week…and I am looking forward to healing really fast and getting back to normal!