Who, What, When, Where, and Why

The past week has busy filled with all sorts of summer fun. Swimming, bbq’s, potluck, family reunions….all that. The kids have been doing private swimming lessons at night. They love it….when I say they, I mean Hallie, poor Gavin is too skinny and he gets SOO cold, and Kayler likes doing his own swimming lessons...but we have 4 more times left, so we will see what they learn! I could probably say a lot more about week #4 of summer…but I will just get on to what I intended to.:



When most people get invited to something or make plans to go somewhere… the 5 W’s of Who, What, When, Where, and Why of the event probably don’t go through their mind too much. For a mother of a child with autism…..they REALLY go through my mind….and I throw in the fear of the Unknown of those 5 W’s. I think of What it is we are going to. I think of Who is going to be there. I think of When it is at. I think of Where it is at. I think of Why we are going, and if it is even worth it. For a social person like me....that makes these types of thoughts/decisions hard.

I truly wish I was easier going…and could just roll with the punches…and maybe Kayler would have an easier time. But I am who I am, and in turn he is who he is. Summer time is especially hard because it seems there is always some where to go and people to see. I never know quite how he is going to respond. I never know how I am going to be feeling. Sometimes I can take a lot…and can just stay and deal with his issues. Other times I just pack up the whole family and leave moments after arriving because Kayler’s problems are too much for me to bear. I can't take the looks, stares, judgmental comments to my face, behind my back, etc....It is funny though, sometimes I am being a total pessimist expecting the worst and he will totally surprise me by being so sweet and not hitting anyone, hurting anyone or thing, running away, sitting nicely and just being “normal”-it is always so unpredictable!

On Friday we went to our first Autism Playgroup. There was only one mom there this time. There will be a lot more usually, but summer is busy. It was so refreshing to talk to a mom who knew exactly what I was talking about. It felt so good for her to look at Kayler and see exactly what I see and I just wanted to cry. Her son was in Kayler's class, and she had helped in the class a lot, so she knew him. I felt so accepted and like I could say anything and not be judged. I knew Kayler could do or say anything and I wouldn’t have to cover his tracks. I am so excited and I know that she and I will become great friends, and I can’t wait to meet the other moms in this area and their special kids.

Other places…..it is not the case. While I DO have wonderful family and friends….it is so hard to truly explain Kayler’s every move and to help people-even my close family and friends to understand how he really is. You have to be around him day in and day out to realize the whole realm of his syndrome. Even my own parents who see him the most besides G.J. and I can’t fully grasp how severe it gets sometimes. Even my own sweet husband doesn't know the full extent of what I go through every day with him while he is at work.

This summer I had high hopes for Kayler. While every year is progress….it is sometimes one step forward and 2 or 3 steps back. He is 4 years old, but acts more like a 2 or 3 year old in some areas. He is SO busy. He is always into something, hurting someone or something, or just being “Kayler.” Sometimes G.J. just comes home and I give him a look and he knows automatically what is wrong and who is responsible for it.

I feel like I am constantly telling him "no" or to "stop" then I feel bad and I find any and every way to work some praise into his little head so he doesn't feel like he is bad all the time. I have lied awake at nights thinking that next summer will be the summer before he is to enter Kindergarten, and if he doesn’t make HUGE progress, there is NO way he will be able to go. It makes me sad…worried…all the above. I will go into his room and kneel down by his bed while he is sleeping and just cry and apologize to him that Heavenly Father chose to send him to me-even though I would have it no other way...and that I can't do a better job. I just need mega powers to take care of all his needs and wants and to have the strength and faith and endurance and perseverance to carry on and fulfill all the other roles this life requires of me.

While he is just perfect in some ways, my heart just breaks at what must go on in his little mind that makes him act and do the things he does. I just want a happy, healthy, normal little boy.He is precious. Just look at this picture of him at the splash park. He has been SO obsessed with Toy Story. He had to wear his Buzz and Woody Cowboy boots to the splash park the other day. He was so proud of them:



Tonight he is with my parent’s staying the night on the mountain in the camper. We had been at a family reunion with G.J.’s family all day and we went to check on our trailer at a different location since we had left it up there. I didn’t know my parents would be there. We pulled up and my dad could tell that I was beyond beat and frustrated with him. He offered to keep him and I always feel so guilty letting others help me with him, but I let them.

Wouldn’t ya guess it-I miss him so bad. He makes me want to pull my hair out when he is home…and when he is gone I miss him so bad it hurts, and our home feels so empty.

Tomorrow is church and he will be back for it, and that is definitely still a work in progress. I feel so bad for his teachers. I still don’t know what to do with him in sharing time. I got a pretty nasty email about him from someone in the ward about a month ago. I am over it now, but at the time it hurt very badly. It is just a good thing I have a strong testimony…or else things like this could be used as Satan’s tools to keep me away from church. Trust me, it would be easier to stay home from church, but he and we as a family need to be there.

So there you have it. Next time you go to an event as a family and think of the Who, What, When, Where, and Why…..Do like I am going to try and do…and be very grateful for the things that DO go well, and don’t dwell on the things that don’t! For starters on the things that Have been going well, I DO have 2 kids that have been LOVING going to all these events and have been so easy to bring along. Hallie and Gavin have been enjoying every bit of these summer events.

As for my blog, I will be MIA for the next few weeks. We are super busy with family reunions and being in and out of town a lot….I will try to take lots of pictures so I can remember what happens in weeks 5 and 6 of summer, so until then, love you all, and ttyl!

Several Thoughts....Week #3

Boy, this once a week blogging thing is getting a bit overwhelming when we have such busy weeks!

So I have had a few thoughts…and that is the theme of this post. There aren't too many words...but there are a LOT of pictures:

I think Hallie may have needed a sister. She dressed her poor brother in this wig and paid him 20 Pokémon cards if he would keep it on all day. He also wore several girly ensembles:




I think it is about time my kids learned to do chores better. I found this idea in Family Fun Magazine. It is called “Good Deed Beads” So they each have a list of chore choices, and then they earn beads for the good deeds and chores they do. After they earn so many beads they get money or special time with G.J. or I. So far it is a hit. They really enjoyed making their jars:





I think G.J. is the best daddy. He is so good to jump on the tramp with the kids, and they love it. In this picture we have one nude child, one child in footy jammies, and one child in a swimsuit….:



I think summertime wears even Mickey Mouse out!:



I think having friends over in the summer is super fun. We made it even funner by taking the kids to my Grandpa’s farm. They each got a freshly laid egg and played in the grassy fields:



I think going camping is a LOT of work….it tuckered Kayler right out on the way up the mountain, but not enough for him to give up his Nintendo. But once there, the view from our home away from home makes it all worth it!:





I think all kids need a fort in the woods at one point in their lives:



I think it is a good thing we have Kayler’s Larry boy hat-it sure makes him happy…it even had to squeeze under his helmet on rides! We had so much fun looking at elk and other wildlife. Our feet were SO dirty after. We enjoyed sitting around our awesome fake fire. It is all the fun, warmth, and ambiance of a real fire, just no smoke!:







I think my dad and brother are beginning to look like twins!:



I think my kids are pretty darn lucky that they get to make cotton candy while camping!:




I think despite Kayler’s miserable facial expression, he really was having fun on our ride!:



I think that skinny dipping in a cool mountain stream/waterfall must be on everyone’s to do list, and I think the picture of all the grand-kids posing on the rock nude needs to be blown up and hung on my mom’s wall…hehe:






I think that The Flaming Gorge Dam is a pretty magnificent place, and my kids thought so too…they really enjoyed going on a tour.:






And last but not least…I think my kids are VERY lucky to have the best daddy around. I couldn't be prouder of the hard worker he is. I am so impressed at how organized and enthusiastic he is about his new church calling. He is literally my sanity, I count the minutes for him to come home each day. I love that he is my husband and the father of my kids:



So there you have it…..lots of my thoughts in a nutshell showing our fun week #3 of Summer!

Week 2 of Fun!

Well we made it through our second week of summer, and boy did we have fun. I hardly saw Hallie and Gavin. With cousin Tia in town, their Grandma Searle had them stay the night I think like 4 times….So I got lots of one on one time with Kayler. Gavin, Hallie and Tia got along SO well, and were so cute with each other. I will try to give a recap of what we did last week:

Monday: CLEANING DAY-Mondays are the days I get my house cleaned and laundry done, Hallie and Gavin were gone, so G.J., Kayler and I mowed my Grandpa’s grass and got groceries-pretty boring.

Tuesday: FUN DAY! We enjoyed going to the splash park with our friends. It was so funny because I had invited Karlee and Candace, and then my sister in law Emily called and came, and when we got there, Gavin’s buddy Sam was there with his family. We were the only ones there for the vast majority of the time-like our own private party. The weather was perfect and the kids were being so good. Gavin had fun with his other buddy Dylan, and Hallie, Tia, and Kayler had a ball! Of course they had to have fun when we had to leave early. I had hair appts. for Hallie and I, and so we had to skip out right in the middle of it all. (The pics are of Kayler, Hallie, Gav and Sam, and my niece Rachael...I don't know where Tia was):






Wednesday: WORK DAY! I cleaned for one of my cleaning people….and I was there for 3+ hours. I left there in just enough time to go visiting teaching. I left that in just enough time to go clean my Grandpas house and do his laundry. I left there just in time to go shower, go play Bunco, and then head to a late movie with Candace, Heather, and Brianna. I was seriously SO pooped by the time that day ended!

Thursday: CLEANING DAY!: Thursday is my day to cook for my dinner group. Of course a storm had to roll in on my day to do BBQ food….but oh well. We just hung out here and nothing much occurred.

Friday: SICK DAY: I had all 3 kids home with me for the first time that week, and I had laundry to do, bills to pay, house to clean up, etc.etc.etc. Plus I had a million things to get done for various church things. It was raining, which I LOVE…seriously I love the rain. But, I was so sick. Just felt really yucky and awful. My kids were fighting, nothing was getting done, and I was feeling pretty down. I put Kayler down for a quiet time and then Gavin came and told me that he and Hallie had said a prayer that I would feel better so I could play with them. Boy that made me fee good/bad…all at the same time. So I loaded them up and we went to the library and went out for a treat. That night we had Tia over for a sleepover in our newest most prized possession!!!:






G.J.’s parents have FIVE houses (that includes 2 campers) They asked us if we would be so kind to take this beauty off their hands. It is not “ours”. It is just parked at our house, we can use it any time we want, she emptied it out so we could put our stuff in it……so basically it is on an extended borrow. I am beyond thrilled. I love going camping. I never in a million years imagined that we could afford a camper for our family. Some of my fondest childhood memories come from camping trips as a kid. So I look forward to LOTS of fun trips in this.

Anyways…..moving on-

Saturday: RAINY DAY: It rained literally all day…and I didn’t complain once. It is SO funny to me how people say it is TOO cold…then it is TOO hot….then the rain comes and it is TOO cold….and this week when the sun is shining again, it will be TOO hot! The only real weather thing that makes me complain besides our long winters is the yucky wind…wind drives me bonkers.
I am getting off the subject here. Where was I, oh yes…Saturday I was able to take my niece and Hallie to the Faith in God day camp from 9-12:30. It was a Noah’s Ark theme which fit in perfectly with the rain. It was so cute and fun. We finished the day off at my parents with just relaxing and a little of this and that.

Sunday: CHURCH DAY: And rainy day…again, but yet again, I am grateful and glad! Today was not my best church day. I still didn’t feel too good. My calling gets me a tad stressed and overwhelmed. I am truly grateful for those who serve and volunteer to help so willingly, and a tad more confused and discouraged with those who aren’t that way. Anyways…long story short, I gave a lack luster sharing time…Kayler was a beast...and I was very glad to be home and changed into my jammies.

So here is to week 3 of summer! I think we are going to try to fit in a camping trip this coming weekend, the weatherman is saying sun, and I am saying LET’S GO!!!

First week of Summer!

I really have been trying to find the time to blog the past weeks’ events but the moment keeps slipping away from me. Then last night even though I was SO tired...I took the time to get it all ready to post, and then blogger wasn't working...ugggh, and even today it wasn't working until just now...so excuse the long post, but now I am caught up!

We had a wonderful Memorial Day. We visited every single cemetery in town (minus Dry Fork…we went there last year though):






We had a nice BBQ after at the in-laws, then I left town after. We stayed with my Brother Kris and his wife Jenette. They have a puppy Milo who my kids love. They were also puppy sitting for the little black puppy named Sammy that they loved even more!:




On Tuesday my beautiful best friend Nikki and her adorable sweet girls Nevie and June were so sweet to drop all their plans and meet up with us at Thanksgiving point. Kayler was being a holy TERROR…seriously…SO embarrassing and naughty. At one point he climbed into an exhibit practically onto the back of a T-Rex and I had to climb on and get him…uggh. But he LOVED the pony ride. He kept petting him and telling him, “nice fella..” Hallie and Gavin loved everything there:















Tuesday evening I headed clear up to Kaysville to G.J.’s sister’s house for a BBQ. She has 2 daughters that I want to kidnap as my nannies. They just took my kids and played with them and I seriously got the first real break in a LONG time. I almost cried that I felt “adult” again for just a minute. I didn’t want to leave.:



Wednesday morning we woke up and had a real treat and went to IHOP for breakfast. All the rest of our meals were eaten at Kris’s house because I packed food that we had from home. The only reason we went to IHOP was because we had a gift card from there. Yet again Kayler was a beast…but the waitress was so nice.:



After that I took the kids to the Gateway to play in the water fountains. They loved it, and enjoyed a shaved ice after!:




After getting cleaned up and having a little rest, I took them to the South Town Mall to look around. We didn’t really have any money to buy anything, but I let them ride the carousel there. Then they had the CUTEST train on the lower level of the mall. Well we went to buy tickets. I only had $6 and the train was ready to load. It was $3 per ticket and I couldn’t figure out who to send…and it was a big dilemma….long story short after the lady figured out Kayler was special needs and that I couldn’t send him alone or leave one of my kids alone while we rode or pack them all back to the ATM for more cash she let us all go for the price or 2. It was so nice of her…and seriously made my day! They played a little more on a dinosaur play place thing and then we headed back to Kris’s to call it a night.:






Thursday morning we woke up with no plans. We needed to give our niece a ride home back to Vernal but not until 1 p.m. when her school ended, so I found this place called Jumpin’ Jacks (I think that is what it is called) Thank goodness it had $4 Thursdays…..so we found it and the kids had a blast and thank goodness it was not crowded at all and Kayler was SUCH a good boy!!!!:





We had a little time to spare so I couldn’t resist doing a little shopping. Kayler was SO impressed with the red “bob” balls as he calls them in front of Target:



After that we picked up Tia and headed home. It has seemed like such a whirlwind since then. That night I had a meeting for G.J.’s work. Friday we went to the Relay for Life (no pictures…of course) Saturday we let the kids play outside in the baby pool for the first time even though the darn wind was blowing:



We had a BBQ Saturday night with the guys from G.J.’s Nintendo club lol! J/k, they are really his buddies from High school and thankfully 2 of the wives are my cousins/friends and the other is my good friend. We had a great time besides the darn wind again-and yet again…no pictures, I suck at picture taking.

Tia stayed the night with us that night, and Gavin stayed with my mom since my dad has been in Canada fishing for the past 12 days. Hallie has hand me down jammies from G.J.’s nieces so we were able to put them in matching jammies and snap a picture:



The funny thing is Tia is only 8 months older than Hallie but she is MUCH bigger. She outweighs her by 50 lbs and is a head taller. They get a long so well and have such similar personalities. She went to church with us today, and they are going to have a lot of fun this week. Her parents are on vacation so she is staying with us/G.J.’s mom until next Sunday.

So there you have it….we have really started summer off with a bang…and you want to know the best part is???? We have slept in EVERY morning past 8:30!!!! It has been beyond heavenly. For an insomniac like me who NEEDS sleep…it is just what the Dr. ordered!