Sorry to leave you hanging!!!
Here is what it said:
It has taken me nearly a month....and I
think I am finally ready to talk/type/blog about something horrific
that happened to me.
Part of the reason I haven't recorded
my feelings is that I have been so.so.flipping.angry. SO angry. Angry
at life in general. My luck, my karma, the HUGE amount of trust the
lord has in me, and just how truly crappy things can get.
It all started on August 28th.
I was at the temple when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I
dismissed it thinking I had a tummy ache. It was on my right
side...and I had already had my appendix removed and my ovary
removed-I need to ignore it right? When I got home I noticed that my
abdomen was swelling, and quite honestly I felt like I had the hugest
fart in the history of farts getting ready to come out. Except it
wouldn't come out...and things started to get worse.
I think that G.J. had to pick the boys
up from school for me...because I was in a world of hurt by that
afternoon. I tried everything to make my stomach to stop hurting. I
texted my cousin Nicole to ask her a few questions because she works
at Urgent Care. She was kind enough to talk to the PA there and tell
him my symptoms and it was agreed that I needed to be seen at the ER
or a Dr.
Right when I didn't think I could take
it anymore...a member of our bishopric called and asked if G.J. and I
could come meet with them in like 30 minutes. So what do I do, put my
fake happy face on...put a dress on...and drag my sorry butt and my
swelling and painful stomach to the bishop's office. This is when
they asked me to be in the Young Womens.
I went home thinking at this point that
the lord was a little crazy. Why would he let me physically feel so
awful and then trust me with a calling that is so important. I went
to sleep-sort of...and had an awful night. I was SOOO close to
driving myself to the hospital.
But....instead I waited until I dropped
the kids off at school on Wednesday morning. At this point if I ate,
I threw up. I could not go to the bathroom. I couldn't even move
wrong without writhing in pain. I just got on my cell phone and
started to drive myself to Roosevelt. I called a general Dr./surgeon
over there who just happened to have an opening right away.
I met with a new Dr, Dr. Jonah Greene.
I was very pleased with him. Upon examining me, and me telling him
what was wrong...his first response was, “WHY didn't you go to the
ER!!!” I just told him that my copay at the Dr.'s office was
cheaper ;)
Since I hadn't eaten anything, he was
able to get me in right away for a CT scan. He gave me some pain
medication and sent me home and told me he would call me ASAP with
results. He called by the time I had come home, and let me know that
there was a mass on my right side. Which was confusing to me because
I had already had my appendix and right ovary removed...so why was
there something still there?
He said I would need a “quick” and
“easy” procedure the next morning. So...I didn't tell a soul
besides GJ...I probably would have driven myself over for surgery if
they would have let me. I hate bothering people. We dropped the kids
off at school and figured we would be home before they were out of
school. Simple as that right??? WRONG!---why can't I learn my lesson
that my life is just not meant to be easy.
A 30 minute procedure turned into a 3
hour procedure. All I remember is waking up in immense pain and
hearing the Dr. tell G.J. that they found a mass/cyst/growth thing
and he wasn't quite sure what it was. It was somewhat
kinking/blocking my bowel-hence the incredible stomach ache. I was so
so so sick and the poor nurse taking care of me didn't know quite
what to do.
It was quite late by the time we got to
leave. So my plans of not telling anybody got ruined. We had to call
G.J.'s mom to go get the kids from school. We had to call my mom to
tell her that things weren't going so well. But beyond that I didn't
really tell anybody else.
I think it was by far the worst surgery
I have had. It only got worse when while throwing up on Friday I
ended up breathing some in...and ended up back in the hospital with
Aspiration Pneumonia. I have never had anything like that in my life.
I felt the need to cough so badly...because essentially there was
vomit in my lungs...but it hurt like HELL to cough, sneeze, laugh,
move, etc. It was horrendous.
I stayed in bed the best I could that
next week. Word sort of spread to other family and friends. My RS
president dropped by to bring me some papers and I guess I looked
pretty miserable, so I had to tell her. And of course-our ward is
super nice/kind...so it was so thoughtful of them to bring meals in
for a few days. It was then that I realized that I was being very
very wrong to not tell people. The lord sometimes gives us trials so
that other people can receive blessings for helping us.
The next week after that I think I
pushed myself to hard too soon to get back into life. I ended up
paying the cost for that with an infection on one of my 4
incisions...and had a pretty miserable weekend.
The past week or more has still been a
bit tough. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally, Spiritually.....I have
struggled. Mostly with anger, and that is not a good thing. I haven't
been sleeping well. I am still in a bit of pain. The medical bills
are rolling in....and oh YES.....guess what it was that they found
after doing the pathology report??? (I think this is where my anger
comes in)
When I went for my checkup with Dr.
Greene...he asked right away who removed my ovary. I told him it was
done 6 years ago by Dr. Griffith here in Vernal. He looked me
straight in the eye and told me to start saving the bills and to find
a lawyer, because it was his negligence that caused this.
Apparently when he took my ovary out,
he “forgot” to take the fallopian tube along with it. He cut it
from my ovary, and cut it from my uterus, and just left it in there.
From what I have read-spoken to other Dr.'s about, this is not
normal. That fallopian tube just happened to have a large cyst in it.
I went to Dr. Griffith not once, not twice, but 3 times over that
next year after the surgery telling him that something was NOT
right...and his response to me was basically that I was crazy and
that I had no appendix, no ovary, and I just needed to get it out of
my head.
So for the past 6 years I would get
occasional pain in that area...but I would assure myself that I was
just “crazy” so to speak...and that I needed to not let it bother
me. The reason I got so sick and required surgery is because that
cyst/growth had somehow kinked my bowel...
So as I said before, I think I am angry
because I tried to tell the Dr 6 years ago that things weren't right,
and I was ignored. I have just endured my 10th surgery in
12 years. NOT.NORMAL.----NOT normal. It makes me feel like I am a
flawed, weak, mess of a human being that my body wont function
properly.
I feel so bad to make my family suffer
while I am sick and down. I can hide it from my kids as best as I
can-but they still know that mommy isn't feeling good. My sweet
loving husband has seen me suffer and be at my absolute worst...and
he never complains. I could never ever ever do this without his help.
Through all of my trials, he is my one constant blessing, and I never
ever take that for granted.
So---thats my story. I am hoping to
finish September out on a positive note. Along with that I have a
sincere hope and prayer in my heart that the rest of this year will
go much better. I am grateful the lord spared my life, and that it
wasn't something worse, because it could have been. I'm sorry to all
my blogger friends who are close friends in real life...I didn't
intentionally not tell you, I just honestly was so wrapped up in
trying to function that I didn't have the time to talk to anyone.
