my little poem

So I decided to get a little creative with this post. I am using the letters CONFERENCE TALKS to describe the events and feelings I have had the past few days:

C is for cleaning, which I did Saturday morning as I listened to the first session of conference. My good sweet friend knew I needed the money, and enlisted me to be her housekeeper. I enjoyed that time alone in her home cleaning while listening to the opening words of conference. Today I learned a double “C” word, which is “Christian Courage” which I hope I can have a lot more of.
O is for organizing my whole family’s closets from summer to winter clothes!
N is for the new found hope that I gained by listening to all the wonderful speakers.
F is for the falling rain, the falling leaves, and the falling temperatures.
E is for enjoying the past few days with my family, friends, and people I love.
R is for my renewed faith in my Lord and Savior- Jesus Christ and his love and plan for me and my family.
E is for energy, which I was lacking. I wanted to just lay and snuggle in bed, but I had so many other things to do-stuff for church, kids, home, etc.etc.etc.etc.
N is for new words for Kayler. He is talking up a storm. His new favorite phrase is, “No-It’s Mine Kayler’s”-he says that for everything. He thinks everything is his.
C is for car. Since we have pretty much been home the past few days, Kayler has been crying CAR…over and over and over. He is sick of being home Finally the other night, he found a pair of socks, put them on himself, found mismatched shoes, came to our room and said, “socks, shoes, ride, car, bye-bye” I could not break his little heart so G.J. took him for a little drive, even though it was 9:30 at night
E is for excellent. This conference was excellent in so many ways. We are so lucky to be able to watch, listen, and next month read the things that were spoke.

T is for Thomas S. Monson-our prophet, seer, and revelator-whom I have always loved and admired ever since I was a little girl. I truly love him-and during this conference felt his love for all of us church members.
A is for alone. G.J. just left for Salt Lake. He won’t be home until Thursday. I hate when he goes out of town for work training. He is so good to help me with the kids. I have so much to do this week, and I will feel truly alone and lonely without him at my side helping.
L is for love. The things I love are: The Gospel in every way shape and form, and the fact that I belong to such a wonderful church, family, friends, freedom, home, my husbands job, food, car, safety, shelter, my knowledge, health, many-many other things, and that I have a blog to keep a record of how truly blessed I am-just in case I forget I can always refer back to this post.
K is for Kandice….lol, because that is my name, and I can’t think of anything for that letter
S is for Saturday and Sunday, my favorite days of the week…. (Besides Friday, but that doesn’t start with a S….lol) This Saturday and Sunday have been so special because of conference, and now I have next Saturday and Sunday to look forward to because my little girl gets baptized and confirmed a member of the church on Saturday and my sweet little nephew gets blessed on Sunday, and G.J. will be home again by then.

Now I have to add a little disclaimer. I would not be being completely honest if I did not add this. I have not had a very good attitude this weekend. I have been very ornery, asking "why me" in so many ways, and being the only guest at my very own pity party. I forced myself to write the things that I am truly grateful for because I am not an ungrateful person....just having a bad couple days/weeks-and I feel so alone. So, I am going to rant for a minute of why I am a little bit miserable. First off, I don't have a mom who is loving and caring and wants to listen to me rant and rave or tell me that she loves me and that everything will be o.k. & I don't have any sisters. My sister-in-laws could care less about my worries. I do have friends, but I love them too much to bother them-and I am usually too prideful to admit that I am having a bad day. I hate waking up early in the morning. I hate that I can't fall asleep at night. I hate cleaning up poop off my freshly cleaned carpet. I hate the never ending temper tantrums from Kayler-and that I can't even take him in public or church without something bad and embarrassing happening. I hate my church calling sometimes (sorry to my ward members that have to read that-don't tell the RS pres. or Bishop!) I hate never having enough money and always worrying about it(yet having the vast majority of people in this town think we are "rich"). I hate having too many Dr. bills. I hate that I am not skinny-nor have the desire to exercise or eat healthy most days. I hate that I am not perceived as "beautiful" to most people. I hate people that choose to hate me and say mean things about me when I have done nothing to them. I hate mean little kids that are mean to my sweet kids. I hate appearing "perfect and organized" when I am such a mess inside most days. I hate cooking. And....I hate feeling ALL of those things. I want to be better about so many things. But---instead of thinking of who and what I don't have I am going to focus on the Savior because I know he is always there, and he will always listen. He will also forgive me for having a very ungrateful poor-poor me moment and help me get back on track. I do recognize the very fortunate and wonderful life I lead, and the wonderful husband and children that will be with me for eternity-I am just having a weak moment, and needed to tell my "blog psychologist" how I felt or else I was going to burst.
So…hope everyone had a great weekend. Sorry for those who chose to endure and read this completely whiny long post. Have a great day/week, and wish me luck being a single mommy for a few days!