Very Comforted.

First off, thank you SO much for everyone who took the time to leave such heartfelt, supportive, and truly kind comments. I was brought to tears each time I read them, and it meant so much to know that I have so many friends in so many places that care about what I am going through-and who took the time to tell me it.
We did decide to send the letters. G.J. set me in my place. He knew we had already prayed and pondered about sending them, and had gotten an answer that it was right, and for me to let the opinions of my mom change my mind wasn’t the right thing to do. I can truly say that I am nervous for everyone to get them tomorrow, yet hopeful, and I think it will be good in the end.
I think I had a hard time in the first place because I love and value my mom so much. She is one in a million. It is funny because she is not the normal cookie making, lovey dovey, hold you and let you cry, sugar and spice, sweet mom. She is a say it how it is, critical, bossy, sometimes overbearing, yet truly a wonderful mom. Isn’t it funny how that works out? She would do anything for me, and I would for her. I guess my whole life I have strived for her approval, and even after 26 years of not getting that no matter how successful I have been, I still hope for that to come sometimes. At my worst times when I need someone to tell me that what I am doing is right and good and to hold me close and let me cry…she is not the one to go to. That is what I have my husband for. That is what I have good friends for. I need to realize that and move on. She is the one that is there for me all the other times, and for that, I truly do love and cherish what we do have as mother and daughter.
G.J. and I have decided to try to go with nursery with Kayler once again, and see if that helps. If it does not help, we will take the next step and talk to the bishop. We have a truly wonderful bishop who is kind, caring, and very in tune with the spirit. I will be honest; church sucks….even for me as an adult. Is that terrible to say? But, I also hold true to the quote, “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” I also have never been a quitter. I believe in sticking in for the long haul, no matter how hard it might be…so for those two reasons, we will not stop going to church, nor will we make Kayler stop going to church. With patience and faith, it will get better. I just know it. In the small fleeting moments that the spirit touches us or even Kayler (or our other kids)…those are the moments when we learn and grow, and that is what is so great about our church.
I just need to add that I know that I am not unique in any way shape or form with my struggles with my kids. I know that while my struggles with Kayler might be different from someone else, the fact is, motherhood is not easy in any way…it is not meant to be easy. I look at some peoples’ lives and just cringe and become very grateful for the life I live very quickly. I would not trade my problems for the much more significant things that others go through. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side, that is a big lesson we should all learn.
I am very blessed to have a husband who loves and supports me. I have 3 beautiful children that are healthy, happy, funny, and special to me. My family will be together forever. On a smaller scale…this winter has not been NEAR as bad as last winter. The mild temperatures, sunshiny skies, and melting snow have done wonders for my attitude. Pair that with the gospel, my wonderful friends, neighbors, and family, and I have a lot to be thankful for.
Thank you all again, and have a wonderful weekend!