What's that saying???

What's that saying...or should I say "sayings"....
-The Calm before the storm-? "When it Rains it pours..."

Let's document the "calm"

I had a wonderful night out last Friday with one of my friends Holly. We don't see/talk that often, but we went to dinner, walked at the Rec. center, and went for ice cream after ;) It was so good to vent and let her vent and just be myself....I truly needed it.

We had the BEST weekend as a family. My kids (and me) were SO tired of being stuck inside. So we dressed in our snow gear and headed to the newly redone park in town. We had a lot of fun. The kids enjoyed themselves as much as if it were the middle of summer!



We came home and made some homemade Gak. We had made it for Gavin's birthday party, and Hallie wanted to try. They had a blast making it, and it is super easy:



That night G.J. and I got to go on a REAL date....like a babysitter, dinner, bowling, shopping, and Ice Cream. It was G.J.'s birthday Tuesday, and weekdays are so hard and busy, so I am so glad we celebrated on the weekend.

Now for the "Rain...and the Storm"

Sunday evening I received a frantic phone call from the local Care Center. It was about my Great Aunt Venna. My mom is listed as the 1st emergency contact, my aunt the 2nd, and me the 3rd. Well-my mom is on a cruise, and my aunt was on vacation in California-so that left me.

The woman at the Care Center preceded to tell me that Venna wasn't doing well and could I come? I dropped everything and headed there. I arrived to find Venna so so sick...and she was so distraught. She turned over and asked me if I could help her. The fear in her eyes of pain and suffering brought me instantly to tears. I called my brother Kael to come give her a blessing. He arrived around 8 with my sister in law Emily's dad Mike...who just happens to be Venna's old neighbor and was close to her.

Mike gave her a beautiful blessing basically releasing her from this life. It was so special. That is when things got tricky. She became so agitated and you could tell she was hurting. She would reach out and cry...like she was reaching for someone or something...and then her arms would collapse in despair. Her Dr. was also on a cruise, so it was pulling teeth to find another Dr. willing to give her some medicine for the pain. As the “person in charge” so to speak, I was faced with -do we give her morphine, do we give her anti anxiety, do we put her on oxygen........LOTS of questions. Everything I did I had to sign some things saying that I wouldn't sue them if she died from giving it to her----seems like a silly concept, but I just felt so inadequate to be making these decisions about a human life, and someone I cared about.

I called my other Aunt who lives in Duchesne along with a few cousins. The came about 10. We sat by her bedside reminiscing and comforting her. It was so sad...Venna lived a VERY hard life. As a child she was kicked by a horse. It caused her to have a seizure disorder, and she never progressed mentally past the age of about 12. She had to watch most of her family die, while she remained alone and lived the past several years a miserable life in the care center. She was not a favorite among residents and caregivers. She had no children. She did get married when she was 60 or so...but he died shortly after. So sad :(

It got late and my body couldn't handle it, so reluctantly I left her side and came home for a few hours to sleep. I woke up and got Kayler handed out to my good friends Holly and Karlee for the day-I am truly indebted to them for taking such good care of him so I could be there. I sat by her side alone until my other cousin Marlene came for a few minutes. Then a nurse of Venna's from a few years ago that had a very special bond with her came in. It was amazing to see her countenance change. Even though she had fallen into basically a coma in the night...when Sara walked in it was so peaceful. My cousin Caradie showed up to relieve me, but just then I noticed Venna had stopped breathing. It was so heartbreaking and such a feeling of helplessness came over me-wanting to save her..but wanting her to go...I wanted her spirit free from her trapped body so badly. After about 4 minutes of not breathing, she took a huge breath and her heart started beating again. After about 20 minutes, the breaths slowed, her heart stopped, and she passed away...my hand in hers, and her favorite stuffed monkey in the other hand.

It was definitely a neat experience...and something I am very grateful I could be there for. Venna had 9 siblings. My Grandma Bowthorpe was her sister. When their mom died, she asked my Grandma to please take care of Venna. When my Grandma died she asked my mom to please take care of Venna. When my mom left on vacation on the 12th...she asked me to please take care of Venna-so I felt a lot of pressure and trust was in me...going back 3 generations.

The past few days have been a blur. I have never planned a funeral by myself before. Granted I do have a little help from some of my other family, but since my mom had arranged everything, I had to get it all in order-sign all the paperwork and go through all the hoopla of funeral details. Needless to say I have had many calls with the mortician, Bishop, family members, etc.etc.etc.etc. I think I had around 60 phone calls yesterday, and I am not even exaggerating.

Thank goodness one of those phone calls was from my mom. I hadn't been able to contact her the day Venna passed, and she finally got the message. She was sad, but relieved and happy it was over.

There have been so many deaths in Vernal lately that the mortician was booked until next Monday, so I have had plenty of time to get things in order, and I am so glad my mom will be back for the funeral. She truly loved Venna, and spent so much time since my Grandma died taking care of her.

Me and Venna-Thanksgiving at the Care Center 2009



If it wasn't enough to have a death...there has been a couple instances of some other family drama. Very hurtful and awful things-but my body and mind just has to let it go...and know that it will all be O.K.

I called and made myself a massage appointment tonight. I never spend money on things like that, but as I sit I find that my body is literally quivering from adrenaline and running on empty from no sleep. I am so grateful that the Lord has blessed my kids and me with good health and that everything within the walls of my own home is peaceful and OK.....

To end on a lighter note, I went to enrichment night last night where they taught us CPR and other lifesaving techniques. The rules for CPR changed January 1st 2011...so I was glad I went. I went up to the instructor after and said, “I am so glad you taught me all of this, because I let someone die in my arms yesterday...” He looked at me SO shocked...and I told him the story. I hadn't meant it disrespectful-or morbid...but I have to have a little humor to prevent myself from cracking! He felt a lot better after I explained why!

So....that's my story of the week...