There are 2 traits in people that I don’t particularly care for. That is quitting and being a hypocrite. And now I am both.
When I decide to do something that takes a lot of dedication and work, I take a lot of time to think it over, weigh the risks...all that. Then I usually jump in with both feet and give 110% and never quit even when it gets hard. Then I take the risk of talking to people about my new adventures/choices. If nobody else was involved in this...it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I sort of blabbed to a lot of people....so now I have to back track.
I am quitting going back to school before I even actually go back. So that makes me a quitter and in a sense-a hypocrite.
There were so many reasons for me to be excited. I wanted a profession that was “mom” friendly…so I could be home in the afternoons and in the summers. I thought I would make a decent teacher. I had more than half of my prerequisites done. I was excited to have extra income. It just seemed perfect.
As I got re admitted to school, met with my advisor, and started in with all the college lingo again…things started to turn sour. I just attributed it to Satan not wanting me to meet this goal of mine. Not to mention, it is a big process. But I mean EVERYTHING was not adding up, and I was trying really hard to convince myself it would be o.k., but in the back of my mind I was just sick.
Last night after a really hard day of all my kids being sick, G.J. being sick, and me trying to recover from being sick…I just prayed and prayed that I would know what to do and feel comfortable about it. I went to bed and tried to let it just “hit me” I wanted so badly for the answer to come. I was so happy when a calm reassurance came over me and two words, “Don’t Go.” That was enough for me.
I talked to G.J., had him give me a blessing….and we both feel good. Even though I was so excited about it…I know I will have times of major regret, and I know I will always wonder what could have been-I think that my time and energy is needed in my home fully and completely. Me going back to school and being a teacher would diminish that greatly.
So, call me a quitter, call me a hypocrite, but I guess you will never call me a school teacher! I just needed to get it off my chest…and I knew most of my faithful blog readers might be wondering in a few months when I wasn’t talking about school….so there you have it…no more wondering!
One more thing to note...I called the district to check on the pay for substitutes...which may be an option when Kayler is in school. I have my Associates Degree, and that pays $70 a day currently. A Bachelors degree only makes $10 more, so I won't be missing out too much...So I guess that is always an option!
Have a great weekend!
10 comments:
I just want you to know that I love you very much and am behind you 100% in whatever you decide to do. I hope that you can have the comfort that you know what you chose is right and that you can continue to be the wonderful wife and mother that you are.
Please Please Please don't ever consider yourself a hypocrite or a quitter. You are nither. You are a wonderful role model for all those around you on how to invovle the Lord in all our endevours and listen to the Spirit. Something that we should all do more and life would go more smoothly. Isn't it neat that the Lord loves us so much he guides us and doesn't allow us to make mistakes? I think you got an answer to your prayer and that now the hard part will be to remember that answer and be true to it.
It doesn't mean thatyou will never be a school teacher. Obviously, it's just not right for right now. To be honest a teacher is not "mom" friendly at all. I thought it was the greatest job don't get me wrong but you dedicate yourself to your school. 7-4 are more like your hours with workshops, SEPS, meeting, etc all thrown in the middle of it. No such thing as running home if someone needs you or is sick. No lunch breaks, etc. That is why I am home. Jhett needs me. I had a good friend (teacher) tell me not to be quick to come back when my kids were in school because they need you just as much and sometimes more when they start school. You MUST be at their crossroads.
I have such a hard time with self confidence. Many times I think if I could do this or be that like someone else I would be happy-Become a photographer, quilt, have a masters degree, etc. It takes a lot of reminders but I have to remember that I am ME and that the Lord has a special plan for ME. I might never be anybody to the world but as long as the Lord recognizes me and allows me in his presence that's all that matters.
You're amazing Kandice. Just like GJ said, you are one wonderful wife, mother, and a dear friend. Keep your chin up and never put doubts in your mind of anyone less than you are. I love you and am proud of you!
Okay... I totally ditto Candace!
You are an amazingly talented wife, mother, friend, and teacher! Yes... teacher! Right now you might not have the offical papers- but you are still a teacher! Don't give up on your dream... it might not be right- right now. However, I've learned a bit about timing... things have a way of working out when they are suppose to... Hang in there!
Totally agree with all previous posts. I don't think you are a hypocrite or a quitter. You are smart because you are listening to the promptings of the spirit. That is one of the hardest things to do sometimes, but you did it. And you may never know why, but sometime in the future, you may have an "ah-ha" moment where it will all make sense why you weren't supposed to go back.
You can always do it later. Sometimes it is just the timing-the Lord's timing.
Donny has given me very sound advice over and over and over... he said that Heavenly Father will bless you more than you will ever know for putting your kids first! Taking care of them is the best thing you will ever do! School and teaching school would consume so much of your time! There is always part of me that wants to go back and teach again, but there really is no way to do both... do both the way you would want to. It's not fair for either side to try to do both. You wouldn't be able to put 100% into both and have a good balance. No way EVER could you call yourself a quitter because you really didn't! You considered something and looked into all of the options and prayed about it and realized it wasn't right. Substituting would really be a great option! I did that for three years and it went great. Not nearly the same as a full-time teacher, but a great option! It's way flexible and WAY less prep! You'd love it I think!
So our family pictures got rescheduled from sickness, but Tater wore Kaylers wranglers tonight to the Bar J Wranglers. Have you seen them before? It's a show at Jackson Hole. They were in town and we all went and Tate looked so cute! THANKS!!!
Your are neither of those things. I believe that you will never regret the choice of being home. Whenever I am having a bad day with my girls, my mom just reminds me how fast they will grow up, and to enjoy being home with them. I also have my dreams of what I want to do someday, and I think they will be gone before I know it, and that will be the time I pursue those dreams. Kandice you are a wonderful mother and wife. You are where you are most needed. Have a wonderful weekend.
You are NOT a hypocrite or a quiter!
You are not a hypocrite or a quitter. Sometimes we think things sound good for us until we actually get into them, and then realize it's not going to work out. That by no means makes you a quitter to back out, it makes you smart. Only you know what you can handle, and if you feel like being home is the place to be, then that's where the Lord wants you right now. My mom does the substituting thing and LOVES it. She loves being able to go the days she wants to and being able to say no if she's too busy or has other things going on. It's way more flexible. Have a great week!!
You will neve regret the time you spent taking care of your family. I am trying to do the subbing thing, and it really isn't too bad.
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