Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month, and I am in denial. Sounds silly you say? Well I feel like I have been pretending this whole month that Kayler does NOT have issues with autism….so why celebrate a whole month reminding me that he really DOES have issues?

I went to the local Autism support group in town last week…and I seriously felt like an outsider. It was kind of like going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting without ever drinking an ounce of alcohol. I looked at the other people there thinking how unfortunate it was that they had kids with so severe of issues, and then it hit me-while not as severe, I AM one of those people too.

Don’t get me wrong, he is doing GREAT….he is much much better than last year at this time. He is so dang sweet, not to mention absolutely beautiful. I love him with all my heart, but gosh dang it…he is so flippin’ frustrating sometimes.

I treat him like he is a “normal” child, all the while keeping in the back of my mind and struggling to keep up with ways to help him cope and feel “normal” without making it seem obvious to him or those around us.

I even had the autism specialist at his school re-evaluate him, because I thought that maybe he would not be considered to be on the autism spectrum anymore. She informed me that he was definitely still on the spectrum...and while he is doing well, to not get too ahead of myself.

He still has a horrible time with other kids. Church is still hell, to put it bluntly. He does great at Sacrament meeting-which took years of practice, and I am SO grateful for his progress. But Sunbeams is not so good-especially sharing time. The only time it is really good is when I am home alone with him while G.J. is at work and the kids at school, and even then we have several meltdowns and battles.

He is almost done with having a nap in the day, which is lucky considering he is almost 4…and lot of 4 year olds don’t nap. But I NEED him to nap. When he wakes up so early and usually doesn’t go to bed until late….that makes for a VERY long day. I really really cherish the break nap time brings.

A lot of people say that he seems so normal and does things that normal kids his age do (good and bad), which is true. The only difference is that as his mom…and someone who has studied and studied AND studied about Asperger’s syndrome…I notice the things that he has a very hard time with, and it breaks my heart that he has to struggle.

At the end of the day, he is nothing less than a sweet little special member of our family. Since April is officially half way over….I have decided that I will spend the next 15 days celebrating Autism Awareness Month, and being a lot more grateful that Heavenly Father chose to send Kayler to me.