Lesson on Pride...

Well…I lost another organ, and in so doing I have learned a lesson in pride.

I have always had “woman” troubles so to speak. I was very lucky to not start my period until I was close to 16. Then I had my first baby at 17. Then I had my second at 19, and my last baby at 23. In between all those babies were lots of womanly troubles. When I was pregnant with Kayler and diagnosed with thrombocytopenia (low blood platelets), the Dr. highly advised me to not have any more children. So we took care of that permanently while I was pregnant with a little Dr.’s visit for G.J. to get a vasectomy.

After I had Kayler, I had an ovarian cyst that pretty much destroyed my right ovary. It had to be removed. I thought the blood disorder would have gotten better, but it did not. The next summer when Kayler was 1, I had uterine ablation where they burn the lining of your uterus out meaning no more periods. For me, no more periods was critical…because it helped keep my platelet level up from not having a period and losing blood each month.

Well fast forward 2.5 years, and the big “P” returned in November of 2009. I was so disappointed. I thought it might be a fluke one time thing…but nope. So the first part of January I had a visit with my Gyn, Dr. Williams from Roosevelt…who I love and highly recommend. He told me that a hysterectomy was my last and only option, and that it was important to get it done soon, before my blood level got any worse.

Well after that we had all the drama with Gavin and his poor intestinal problems, our basement flooding, and just too much stress. I didn’t think I had time or energy to go through a surgery. But….I decided to have it done last Tuesday.

It was up in the air if I could even have it done because of my dumb blood disorder and my messed up thyroid. I had labs done last week. My thyroid was just so/so, and my platelets were just confusing. The hospital has a policy that no surgery can be done if platelets are below 100 (it is actually 100,000, but they just say 100) my regular Dr. has a policy that platelets need to be above 150 to be healthy. So of course my level came back right in the middle at 124. The Dr.’s talked and both agreed that I could have the surgery. This was Monday, so I had to jump into gear and get ready for a week with me being down.

I will admit, I was so so scared to have surgery. I have had 9 surgeries in my life for various things, but I was very scared this time. The Dr. told me it would be no big deal…but I knew different. They did a vaginal hysterectomy, and left my good ovary so I don’t have to be on hormones. I won’t explain the procedure…but pretty much they just suck your uterus out of you through the vagina after cutting it away internally. Yah…pleasant sounding right!

I had great nurses, but that first day was rough. As predicted, my blood platelets took a turn for the very worst after the surgery, dropping below 100. My blood pressure was about 85/35, so every time I sat up I either threw up or passed out. The Dr. said that most people go home the night of surgery, but I would be staying the night.

The next day didn’t go much better, so I had to stay another night. Finally I was home Thursday. I have a terrible time with pain meds…none of them work or else they just make me puke and miserable. Along with that, I can’t take ibuprofen or aspirin or anything containing them because it thins the blood worse. So I finally found one that worked paired with anti nausea and Benadryl. I had a great nights sleep last night, and today I have seen a big improvement….even if I still feel like I have been run over by a truck!

So that leads me to the “pride” issue of this post. I had told G.J. that I wanted to just do this and not let anyone know. I didn’t even want to tell my own mother. I decided I needed her help though, and after I told her…of course she told lots of my family. I told a couple of my closest friends, who didn’t tell anybody, but all I can say is word travels fast around this town!

It is not that it is a big “secret” or that I am ashamed to have had it done…it is just that I am prideful and don’t want people to have to help me. I think I can just do it all a lone….and after this week I have learned a big lesson that I CAN’T!!!!!

I have had SO many very kind phone calls, gifts, flowers, meals, well wishes, prayers offered on my behalf, help from family and friends….you name it. It makes me get a little teary thinking of how kind people are. It makes me think that if I am ever in a tragic situation, I will never be alone, and that I am loved. That is a wonderful feeling.

Through this all, I think I have gained closure on a few things. Even though it was virtually impossible for me to have another baby before the surgery….I still had a uterus. So now that it is gone…there is no chance, and I am o.k. with that. It was a little hard being in the brand new women’s center in Roosevelt seeing all the Prego ladies. They all looked so cute, not to mention my same age, and there I was getting my baby womb ripped out. But I have a few friends who are getting babies, and it helps me more than they will ever know. I can’t wait to hold them and get my fill!

So there you have it. Another organ lost…this makes 5! Tonsils, Adenoids, Appendix, Ovary, and Uterus! I have learned a lot through this rough week…and I am looking forward to healing really fast and getting back to normal!